Much ado about balance…


People often refer to “balance” in life or in work as if it was something pre-determined and concrete; a line-in-the-sand or a clearly defined goal that once reached, would produce such imagined “balanced” state of well-being.

The problem I have with this is that to me, the concept of “balance” isn’t fixed; rather, it is an ever changing “living” component of our individual lives whose definition is as diverse as we humans are and thus, any discourse about this “balance” – like with art –really is a highly subjective matter.

Who is to say that someone’s hectic and seemingly exhausting life isn’t really perfectly balanced… for them? Or that someone else’s highly organized seemingly moderated and diverse lifestyle isn’t really a nightmare of control and blandness to be avoided at all cost… for others?

In the past few years as “work-life balance” vision, objectives and words found their way into corporate statements and our own wistful vernacular, I have come to consider such as “unbalanced”; superficial “flannel”, which does little more than add noise and possible dissent into our corporate and private lives.

It is a relatively modern trend to view “work” as something singular and different from an individual’s “life”, but I’m reminded and offer that there should not be such a clear distinction between the two; that they are in-fact interdependent, each an integral part of the other and each – at times – requiring that more focus be given to one over the other.

For I can’t imagine living possible; in balanced ways or otherwise, without actually working at producing something in real-time; be it the pollen a flower produces for dissemination by bees and wind, to everyday necessities we acquire by the application and exchange of our life skills, to the contribution we make as we guide our babies to hopefully grow into the “next generation” of productive people.

All subject to daily external influences which impact and alter our lives and how we may have to modify our reactions to engage and deal with such influences moment by moment.

The idea that these and all other evergreen “productive life” components which together contribute to an overall life-on-the-planet balance of sorts, should each have and follow some form of prescribed self-balance – even if we could actually come to agree on what that “balance” should be for us as a species – is flawed and unreachable me thinks.

Have we – in our relative affluence – grown softer and more demanding of what is “due to us”?

Do airline pilots, typically regulated to fly about 40 hours per month, have more “balance” in their lives than the average Western individual working 60 hours per week… or a person working 18+ hours per day in an Asian factory? Which amount of work vs. “work-free” time, and/or “level” of balance within ourselves should we be striving for?

What about our poorer and distant neighbors… the folk elsewhere in Africa and India for example, scouring nearly around the clock for the means of basic survival such as finding relative safety, drinkable water and food of any kind that we, with our self-induced complicated lives, take for granted as a basic given? Do they need or even think about “work-life balance”… or is having the gift of actually waking-up breathing yet another day, hopeful of being able to make it all the way through to the evening with – perchance – some improvement, balance enough?

Perhaps our search for “balance” is a distracting cause; the wrong value to use when assessing ways to enhance our human existence holistically and in a sustainable productive manner. For all of us still breathing – in all of our wondrous diversity – manages to achieve our own reality based version of a “balanced life” if not on a daily basis, certainly over a period of time.

Remarkably, I believe our existential needs remain largely unchanged over the thousands of years our animal species has been around… regardless of gender and varying levels of modern day complexity, we are basically a “caves & commons” species; requiring security and solitude for self-reflection, healing and survival, as well as, communal engagement and interaction to give & take, lead & support, fight & love, reproduce & evolve to live another day.

The fact we may believe this ought to happen more gracefully or in a more even manner, albeit interesting, does not determine the overall worthiness; the blended achievement occurring in our current everyday lives… as “imperfect” as we may think such to be.

* Published in the Good Men Project: “Much Ado About Balance

The Opposite of Fear…


“Delusion” is an appropriate opposite to “Fear”. This based on my belief that “fear” isn’t always bad… rather in its basic form; it is nothing more than the natural result of our own built-in self-preservation organism.

I like to sky-dive… have done it many times over the years; some may say that I’m even “good” at it, but I tell you truthfully that “fear” is a good steady companion every time I step to the airplane’s door and think about what I am about to do.

I also am known for speaking out and arguing what I believe in Board meetings and other events that could result in unexpected career consequences… again, “fear” is the right word to describe the butterflies in my stomach and rapid heartbeats just before my mouth opens.

To not experience such natural feelings in either case, could only mean that something is seriously amiss within my construct… that my sense of “reality” is flawed, or that I’m delusional.

To be “fearful” is an important and valuable experience; whether “fearful” of being killed if you’re a solider in the front lines, of going into surgery (having someone you don’t know cut us apart and put us back together again), or of having our heartbroken… a healthy dose of “fear” comes in handy to remind us to prepare, learn as much as we can, be honest with ourselves and then WILL beyond the discomfort; the natural warning, to do what we have been charged to do or believe should be done.

I do know a few people who have no apparent sense of “fear”… they are good folks to try to avoid like the plague in my view, for fear is healthy and requires no antidote beyond preparation and will. The later, what gives us mastery over lesser organisms.

One more thought… One of the most “fearful” moments in my life took place when a doctor placed my brand new 3.25 lbs twin baby daughters in my arms.

In that moment I realized my life had changed forever, and I had no idea what THAT meant… what was about to happen, would they “make it”, how would I take care of “all of this”… fifteen years later I still don’t know the answer to some of these questions.

Healthy “fear” came first…then, I willed past it and fell in-love.

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